A day

Time to “fall back”, I was enthused in the morning! However, not long after having realized this, I experienced a burst of rage, a frustrated lashing out. Outside I heard rain (was it rain?) I looked out the open window to my right and perceived accurately the overcast sky’s coloration –it was undoubtedly grey– but did not see or hear a hint of rain. There was no sign of the rain I longed for: rain to reduce the foot and vehicular traffic; rain to provide a slowing unguent to the ceaseless activity of this town — which was not the totally ceaseless activity of a large city, mind you. Rather, I refer here to the much more minor, yet still frequently ceaseless-seeming activity of a place in the vicinity of an active place.

Then I looked to the alarm clock, which said six. Then I turned off the alarm on the clock (all this had gone on with it buzzing) and slept until six thirty — when it again went off. And I did not now know whether I heard rain or not, I did not even think of rain at the time. I believe I had tried to think of it, but I was so tired; finally I slept again until my alarm again went off at seven.

I woke before my alarm went off around 9.30 or so. “I’m late!” I thought with a panic that made further sleep beyond consideration –the energizing spirit of panic, of alarm, having truly entered me this time — but in fact (as I immediately recalled) I had the day off. There was nothing to be late for. Nothing but my hopes for self-advancement, which I may have blown off as early as the night before. I had even made plans of a sort for the free day, but I didn’t follow through with them: didn’t go for my walk; didn’t rearrange my desk; didn’t make the thorough re-evaluation of my life I’d intended –not so that it “truly stuck” or “seemed like something major,” as my to-do list read. But watched a movie (might have been “Bad Day in Black Rock”), did laundry, watched workmen hauling ladders over the grass, cleaned an excessively dusty air vent (thorough job) — day was over before it began.

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