Customer Dopplegangers — don’t try to humanize them

Was that young man crossing the intersection the same man I would sometimes see at the shop? Was that woman at my local market a woman I would sometimes serve a pastry and coffee? What about that person in their car who looks so familiar — was he too one of the customers only now seen “out in the wild”?

The answer in almost every case is no; but rather, as so often happens, these are just examples of the “customer dopplegangers” one is always encountering outside the store, which are nearly exact facsimile of the customers themselves but entirely different people.

Alternative possibility: it is in the shop itself that these characters are incubated, grown and disseminated in near limitless quantities. The customer “Jeff” for instance (not his real name. These thing don’t have real names, don’t try to humanize them). One day coffee was poured into a cup and saucer, and suddenly materializing around it was this figure we’ll call “Jeff” — unlikely but true — incubating, materializing, possibly ordering a cinnamon raisin bagel with cream cheese also. Now there are many Jeffs, entering the store, leaving the store, driving all over the county, living their lives, and yet they are never within thirty minutes or a hundred yards of each other, so the authorities never catch on.

This is incredible, an amazing discovery. Everyone should know what’s going on. Everyone should be made aware of what this shop is trying to do! (This was a secret message, if you are able to read it you have not yet been blocked.)

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