Moved the laundry on (and notes) and took a break by scrolling through political blogs and notes. And I read one tweet about how liberal white women were the most moral force in history and I sank in myself a little (for I was not of that fiber myself) and started hand scrubbing the wood floors (and notes) and I only did a medium job of it but they looked better.
And notes. And cleaning out at last that stand-up dust pan on a rainy day, the dustpan having had a thick carpet of dog hair on it ever since, well, for a long time. Took it out on the back patio to soak on a rainy day. And notes, and texts, and reading about Dostoyevsky, pausing a while over a passage that dwelt on his belief in the afterlife — an uber Russian nationalist, an uber Russian Orthodox Christian. And I sank in myself a little thinking about the afterlife, and thinking “I believe in Dostoyevsky.”
And I thought I was not the most courageous person in history nor was I part of the cohort that was (what did white liberal women have that I didn’t have? I wondered as I scrubbed the wood floors, by what was I impeded?) and sank in myself a little and I thought “But I’m not going to dwell on thoughts of that kind today, which are not useful thoughts.” Then the rain stopped and I and every other neighbor with a dog that wouldn’t go out in the rain went out into the yet dripping air to walk our dogs and I thought, “no, not today will I be having those thoughts.”
.i`` * ^ / . . . . . ` `~ 
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